The day I left ( a memoir )

"Past is past but whatever we are now is not possible without it".

It was a calm and silent morning; the sun was hidden behind the thick clouds. I heard the crowing of the rooster outside, the tick-tack of the clock leaning on the wall and the hushing wind coming from the north. It was a very pale day as if the weather felt the same way as I did.  I glanced at the bag I packed up last night and put everything that could be used. I put on a blouse, jeans, a pair of slippers and other toiletries. 

At that very same moment, I was staring at my siblings, maybe they were having their dreams. I looked at them pitifully, they're all young and fragile. I knew that they would need me and to think that I would leave them made me feel sad. A moment later my mother woke up, I knew that she didn't like this idea and I was very young at that time. It was hard for her and Papa and that was the least favorite option they would choose, but what can I do? The decision has already been made and it was me in the first place who could decide. 

"I will miss this barrio" I whispered. The only reason why I'm leaving is that I need to earn money which means that I will have to work for it, to help my family. I was both happy and sad that morning, happy because I'd always loved to travel and sad because I would be departing from my beloved family.

Mama and Papa were both sad, but they tried to hide it. They gave me all the advice I needed, telling me how to behave and deal with different people. Of course, I am the representation of my parents, and they expect me to do good.

When noontime came, I prepared myself. I would be part of a different world, and I would face the reality of life, I do not know what will happen, but I know that I have a role to play and that I have my family as the main priority.  I keep this thing to myself. 

Then the most awaited moment came, Mama was beside me and I hugged her. She told me to take care and to always pray, "We will not be that near when you need us at so least pray to God", she added.  

I looked around, I wanted to bring with me a good picture of our little barrio, the trees, meadows, fresh air, and the peaceful atmosphere. At least I can always imagine my very own homeland. After that, I bade them goodbye, and they all wished me luck. I climbed up the bus and I never looked back. I don't want them to see the tears flowing down from my eyes. I could picture them waving and yelling behind us until the only sound left was the roar of the engines and the sound belonging to my loved ones already faded. "I am now alone," I told myself. I close my eyes and force myself to sleep. Tomorrow when I woke, I will no longer be part of the same world I picture in my mind because I am heading to the world where I am the stranger.  I promised to myself that this sacrifice will not lead to nothing and that someday all the tears I cried will be replaced by happiness.